How to be the PSL?s CEO

John Goliath says you only need to be able to keep The Chairman happy to be the PSL’s CEO. See if you qualify...

|||

CAN you make a good cup of tea? Are you the type of person who speaks only when he/she is spoken to? Do you never question authority?

Well, if you said yes to all the above questions, then I’ve got an opportunity of a lifetime for you: a lovely career as chief executive of the Premier Soccer League.

The money is good, you can watch free football in the VIP box, although your tea-making skills might be required to keep the chairman of the league happy.

And you don’t want to get on his bad side. By thinking you have a big title like “chief” doesn’t mean you can make decisions like the colour of the animals on the toilet rolls or which bottle of Glenfiddich whiskey should grace the tables at the end-of-year Christmas party.

Your job would be to smile, speak from a piece of paper (sorry I forgot, being able to read is a little bit more than optional), and sing the chairman’s praises whenever you can (at least every 10 minutes).

You also must be able to laugh at the chairman’s jokes. And it’s going to be important to get the timing right – he must laugh first, then you join in with a loud chuckle while holding your stomach.

It’s important you get this spot-on, because sometimes it may sound like a joke when it’s not. The chairman always laughs at his own jokes, remember that. The last guy that was here didn’t laugh at the funny stories. But the joke is now on him (that’s your cue to laugh).

The chairman likes to poke fun at the boys from the South African Football Association (Safa). You know, those guys whose senior men’s team didn’t qualify for the next year’s African Nations Cup because they wanted to make up their own rules.

So you must always be on your toes when jokes like “they can’t count” or “they don’t know the rules” come up.

The last guy also talked too much, but in meetings, we didn’t have any trouble sleeping. The chairman didn’t like it, though. The chairman likes the sound of his own voice and the voices in his head. He doesn’t like the sound of other people’s voices.

So it’s important that you only speak when the chairman asks you something. And don’t try and be funny and tell a joke. The chairman only laughs at his own jokes and there might only be crickets at the end of your punch-line.

It would also be beneficial if you can bring food or cake to the office, because the chairman always has visitors, especially when a fellow called Benni is in the area. He likes to eat. Apparently he is a footballer, but he doesn’t play much.

Lastly, another good thing would be to look after the chairman’s hat collection. He wears many hats and you must make sure he has got the right one on at the right time. I mean, you don’t want him to walk into a Board of Governors meeting with a black hat with a skull and bones on it now do you?

So you think you can do the job? Send your applications to iamonlyjoking@pleasedontsueme.com

TWEETS OF THE WEEK

@rowen1 (Rowen Fernandez, SuperSport United and Bafana Bafana goalkeeper): Rumour that Gavin Hunt is being lined up for the Zambia job. Well at least one South African will be going to AFCON…

@FDavids (Fadlu Davids, Maritzburg United striker before the 7-0 defeat to SuperSport): Another inspiring team talk…. It’s all up to the players now!!! Go M United.

@FDavids (Davids after the defeat): Back down to f#%^+n earth.

WHO TO FOLLOW

@luis16suarez (Luiz Suarez, Liverpool and Uruguay striker): The man is still upset after Manchester United left back Patrice Evra branded him a racist. Follow him and see the action unfold.

Twitter: @Anchorman82

IS JOHN GOLIATH CRAZY?

Luis Suarez is a football player only loved by his mother and Liverpool supporters. The rest of the world just love to hate him.

Just ask the lovely people of Ghana. I mean the Uruguayan striker won’t be awarded the Freedom of Accra anytime soon after he celebrated his handball in the World Cup quarter-final like he was on drugs.

Patrice Evra also hates him. Apparently Suarez racially abused him and he didn’t like that very much. Don’t know if it’s true, though. I mean Suarez speaks Spanish and Evra speaks French. They wouldn’t be able to understand each other even if they were using hand signals. Anyway, if Suarez did call Evra whatever the left back claims, then he should be made an example of. Maybe drop him in the middle of a lynch mob in Ghana.

What do you think should happen to him if found guilty? Send your views to john.goliath@inl.co.za

Source: http://www.iol.co.za/how-to-be-the-psl-s-ceo-1.1162078

South Korea Birmingham City Mark Zuckerberg Highlands Property Food and drink